By Robyn Krugman, LCSW | Licensed Clinical Social Worker | AEDP Level 2 Certified | Complex Trauma II Training | 20+ Years Experience in Union County, NJ
Medical Disclaimer: This article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding mental health conditions or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
10 Ways to Protect Your Mental Health (Especially During the Holidays)
You’ve finally got the kids to bed and have sunk into the couch to doom scroll, and you see another post about “10 self-care tips for mental health.” Deep breath. Gratitude journal. Bubble bath. And you think, “Cool, but when exactly am I supposed to fit that in between the school holiday concert, making three dozen cookies for the bake sale, buying gifts for 47 relatives, and oh yeah, still doing my actual job?”
Here’s the thing about maintaining your mental health during the holidays and year round: most advice treats it like another item on your to-do list. Another thing you’re failing at. Another way you’re not doing enough.
But these top 10 tips to maintain your mental health aren’t about adding more. It’s about understanding how your nervous system actually works and making choices that help you stay regulated instead of constantly operating in survival mode.
In my 20+ years of practice providing mental health therapy in Scotch Plains, Westfield, and throughout Union County NJ, I’ve watched countless clients (especially during the holidays) try to “self-care” their way out of burnout while their bodies are screaming that something needs to fundamentally change. They’re doing all the “right” things but still feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and like they’re one Christmas cookie away from losing it completely.
The truth? Your anxiety about Christmas, your irritability, your exhaustion, that knot in your stomach that shows up every time you think about the family gathering next week? That’s not a self-care deficit. That’s your nervous system telling you it’s overloaded. And no amount of bubble baths is going to fix that if you don’t address what’s actually happening in your body and your life.
So let’s talk about what actually works for improving mental health during the holidays and beyond. Not the Pinterest-perfect version, but the real, practical, “I’m drowning in responsibilities and December just made it worse” version.
1. Understanding Mental Health: Your Body Keeps Track (Even When Your Brain Says You’re Fine)
You know that tight jaw you wake up with? The stomach issues that mysteriously appear before family events? The headaches that show up right when you finally have a moment to relax?
Your body is not betraying you. Your body is trying to protect you by signaling that your nervous system is overwhelmed. This is what I mean when I talk about somatic therapy; your anxiety, your stress, your mental health struggles don’t just live in your thoughts. They live in your body.
Here’s what most people don’t understand: you can intellectually know that everything is “fine” while your body is stuck in a threat response. You can tell yourself you should be grateful for your beautiful family and wonderful life while your nervous system is treating every holiday obligation as if a lion is chasing you.
In my AEDP training, we learned that healing happens when you learn to listen to what your body is telling you instead of just managing symptoms with your mind. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health conditions, and they often manifest with physical symptoms that people don’t recognize as anxiety-related. So the first step to maintain your mental health Start paying attention to what your body is actually saying.
Self Care Tips for Mental Health: The Body Check Practice
Try this: Set a phone reminder three times a day that just says “Body check.” When it goes off, pause for 10 seconds and notice: Where am I holding tension right now? Is my jaw clenched? Are my shoulders up by my ears? Am I holding my breath?
You’re not trying to fix it (yet). You’re just practicing awareness. Because you can’t change patterns you don’t notice.
2. Mental Health Practices: Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
Can we talk about the word “selfish” for a second? Because I hear it approximately 47 times a day from clients at my therapy practice in Union County NJ, and it’s usually attached to something completely reasonable like “I don’t want to host Christmas dinner for 30 people when I’m already exhausted.”
Boundaries aren’t selfish. Boundaries are how you stay sane and are essential mental health practices for coping with the holidays.
Here’s what I’ve seen in two decades of providing mental health therapy in New Jersey: the people who struggle most during the holidays (and year-round) are the ones who’ve been trained to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over their own wellbeing. They’re the ones making sure everyone has a magical holiday season while they’re secretly crying in the bathroom.
Your Aunt Karen might be disappointed that you’re not coming to the fourth family gathering this month. Your kids might whine that you’re not doing the elaborate Elf on the Shelf setup their friend’s mom does. Your partner might wish you were more “festive.”
And all of those feelings are valid. AND you still get to protect your mental health.
Holiday Mental Health Tips: Boundary Scripts
Script you can actually use: “I know this isn’t what you were hoping for, and I understand you’re disappointed. I need to make choices that help me stay present and healthy for the people I love, which means saying no to some things that aren’t sustainable for me right now.”
Notice what that script doesn’t include? Apologizing for having limits. Over-explaining your reasoning. Asking permission to have needs.
3. Anxiety About Christmas: When “Being Responsible” Is Actually Anxiety
You know what I hear constantly from clients seeking anxiety therapy in Westfield and Scotch Plains NJ? “I’m not anxious, I’m just being responsible.” “I’m not controlling, I’m just making sure things get done right.” “I’m not overthinking, I’m just planning ahead.”
And here’s where I gently call BS (please know this is coming from a place of love).
When you’re making backup plans for your backup plans, that’s not responsibility. That’s anxiety. When you can’t sleep because you’re mentally running through every possible disaster scenario for tomorrow’s event, that’s not good planning. That’s your nervous system in overdrive and a sign you need mental health support.
I had a client recently who spent three weeks planning her family Christmas gathering with color-coded spreadsheets, detailed timelines, and contingency plans for every possible issue. She came in exhausted before the event even happened, wondering why she felt so stressed about Christmas when she was “so prepared.”
Here’s what we discovered: all that planning wasn’t making her feel safer. It was feeding her anxiety by reinforcing the belief that if she just controlled enough variables, she could prevent anything from going wrong.
Managing Christmas Stress and Holiday Anxiety
Spoiler alert: you can’t control everything. Something will go wrong. The turkey might be dry. Someone will make a passive-aggressive comment. A kid will have a meltdown. And you know what… you’ll survive it anyway.
One of the key tips to maintining your mental health means distinguishing between helpful preparation and anxious over-functioning.The question to ask yourself: “Is this action helping me feel more grounded, or am I trying to control outcomes I can’t actually control?”
Want More Mental Health Support in NJ?
If this resonates and you’re ready to work with your nervous system instead of just managing symptoms, we’d love to help. Get relief delivered to your inbox with permission slips for overwhelmed moms. No more generic self-care advice that adds to your to-do list, just real strategies for when you’re drowning in responsibilities and need someone to tell you it’s okay to say no, feel angry, and take care of yourself without guilt.
4.Tips to Maintain Your Mental Health: Nervous System Regulation That Actually Works
Let’s be honest about meditation for a second. If I had a dollar for every client at Be Seen Therapy who told me “I tried meditation but I’m too anxious to sit still,” I could retire tomorrow.
Here’s what most generic mental health advice gets wrong: not all self-care practices are created equal, and what works for someone else might make you feel worse.
If you’re already in a heightened state of nervous system activation (which most of my overwhelmed clients in Westfield, Scotch Plains, and throughout NJ are), asking you to sit still and “clear your mind” is like asking someone who’s drowning to practice their swimming technique. You need something that actually helps you down-regulate first.
This is where tips for improving mental health gets practical: you need tools that work with your actual nervous system state, not against it.
Mental Health Practices Matched to Your Nervous System
- When you’re anxious and wired (sympathetic activation): You need movement, not stillness. Try walking, dancing to one song, doing squats while you wait for the coffee to brew. Your body needs to get rid of that that activation energy.
- When you’re exhausted and numb (dorsal vagal shutdown): You need gentle activation, not more rest. Try cold water on your face, calling a friend, or putting on music and singing along. Your system needs help coming back online.
- When you’re actually regulated (ventral vagal): Then yes, meditation, deep breathing, and stillness can help you maintain that state.
My Complex Trauma II training taught me that most people are trying to use tools designed for one nervous system state when they’re actually in a completely different one. And then they feel like failures when it doesn’t work. Research from the Polyvagal Institute has shown that understanding your nervous system state is crucial for effective self-regulation.
5. Holiday Depression: When Christmas Makes You Sad, Not Joyful
Lets normalize something… Holiday depression and Christmas depression are real. Not because you’re ungrateful or broken, but because the holidays amplify everything you’re already dealing with and then you add a million other stressors on top of that.
Be Seen Therapy provides depression treatment in New Jersey, we see this constantly. Holiday depression is real. Christmas stress is real. Feeling sad at holidays when everyone else seems magical and festive is incredibly common and absolutely valid. The American Psychological Association reports that 41% of people experience increased stress during the holiday season, and many struggle with feelings of sadness or depression during what’s supposed to be a joyful time.
You might be
- Grieving someone who’s not at the table this year
- Managing difficult family dynamics while trying to keep everything “nice” for the kids.
- Financially stressed about gifts while social media shows you everyone else’s perfect celebrations
- Dealing with seasonal affective disorder on top of regular depression
- Just be exhausted from being “on” for everyone else
Mental Health and the Holidays: Acknowledging What’s Hard
Here’s what protecting your mental health during the holidays actually looks like: acknowledging that this season is hard for you instead of trying to force yourself to feel festive.
I had a client who gave herself permission to create a “Christmas Depression Day” right after the holidays. One day where she didn’t have to pretend to be okay, where she could stay in pajamas, cry if she needed to, and just let herself feel whatever came up. No guilt. No “I should be grateful.” Just honest acknowledgment of what the season brought up for her.
That’s not giving up on mental health. That’s protecting it by not forcing yourself to perform joy you don’t feel.
6. Self Care Tips for Mental Health: Stop People-Pleasing
Truth bomb time: you cannot protect your mental health while constantly sacrificing it to make other people comfortable.
I know that sounds harsh. I know you’ve been taught that being a good [daughter/mother/wife/friend] means putting everyone else first. I know saying no feels selfish and wrong and like you’re being mean.
But here’s what we know in 20 years of practice providing individual therapy in Scotch Plains and throughout Union County: the people who end up in our office most burned out, anxious, and disconnected from themselves are the ones who’ve spent decades prioritizing everyone else’s needs while ignoring their own.
Coping with the holidays when you’re a people-pleaser means you’re saying yes to events you don’t want to attend, hosting gatherings that exhaust you, buying gifts you can’t afford, and performing happiness you don’t feel. All while your mental health slowly erodes and you wonder why you feel so empty during what’s supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year.”
Holiday Mental Health Tips for People-Pleasers
Your mental health practices have to include saying no. Not just to obvious boundary violations, but to good things that simply aren’t sustainable for you right now.
Try this perspective shift: Every time you say yes to something that depletes you, you’re saying no to something that could restore you. Every time you agree to host another gathering, you’re giving up an evening you could have spent resting. Every time you take on someone else’s emotional labor, you’re abandoning your own needs.
That’s not self-care advice. That’s just math.
7. Tips to Maintain Your Mental Health Through Connection (Not Just Solo Self-Care)
Here’s something most “maintain your mental health” lists get wrong: they focus entirely on what you can do alone. Meditation. Journaling. Yoga. Bubble baths.
And while those things absolutely have value, humans are wired for connection, and your mental health suffers when you’re isolated (even if you’re surrounded by people you’re taking care of).
This is where my AEDP Level 2 training really showed me something powerful: healing and mental health improvement happens in relationships. Not just in solitude. The Center for Clinical Social Work emphasizes that therapeutic relationships and genuine human connection are fundamental to mental health and healing.
The paradox I see constantly in my therapy practice in New Jersey, especially with holiday stress, is that people are around family constantly but feel completely alone. You’re managing everyone’s needs, mediating conflicts, making sure everyone has what they need. But who’s really seeing YOU? Who are you being real with?
Mental Health Practices That Include Connection
One of the most important tips for maintaining your mental health means cultivating at least one relationship where you can be truly yourself. Where you can say “I’m not okay” without having to fix it or make it easier for them. Where your feelings don’t require justification or solutions, just witnessing.
For some of my clients, that’s a best friend. For others, it’s a therapy practice. Sometimes it’s a partner who’s learned how to just listen without trying to fix. Sometimes it’s an online community of people dealing with similar struggles.
But you need somewhere you can take the mask off. Because holding it together 24/7 isn’t protecting your mental health. It’s slowly destroying it.
8. Mental Health and the Holidays: Grieving What You Can’t Have
You know what nobody talks about with holiday mental health tips? The grief.
Maybe you’re grieving the family dynamics you wish you had. The childhood holidays that were chaotic or traumatic instead of magical. The financial security to give your kids everything they want. The energy and mental health to be the Pinterest-perfect parent you thought you’d be. The person who’s not at the table this year. The version of yourself who used to love this season before life got so complicated.
One of the biggest threats to your mental health is trying to create something that’s not possible while pretending you’re not heartbroken that it’s not.
One of our clients at Be Seen Therapy has spent thousands of dollars and countless hours trying to create the “perfect family Christmas” she never had as a kid. She was exhausted, anxious, and snapping at her kids throughout December. When we dug into it, she realized she was trying to heal her childhood through her children’s experience, and it was making everyone miserable.
Coping With the Holidays Through Grief Work
The work wasn’t to try harder. The work was to grieve that her childhood couldn’t be different and to build holiday experiences that actually worked for her current family instead of trying to recreate some idealized version she never got to have.
Maintaining your mental health sometimes means acknowledging what you’re sad about instead of trying to fix, force, or fake it.
9. Tips to Maintain Your Mental Health: Healing Isn’t Linear
Here’s something I wish someone had told me years ago: you’re not going to feel better every day, and that doesn’t mean you’re failing at maintaining your mental health.
We see this constantly with clients seeking therapy in Westfield and Union County NJ, especially during the holidays. They implement all the “right” self-care tips for mental health. They’re setting boundaries, practicing nervous system regulation, saying no to things that deplete them. And then they have a hard day where they snap at their kids, cry in their car, or feel completely overwhelmed.
And they think, “See? Nothing works. I’m broken.”
No,honey. You’re human. And improving mental health isn’t about never struggling again. It’s about building capacity to move through the hard moments without completely falling apart or abandoning yourself.
Mental Health Practices for Hard Days
Some days you’re going to be great at the mental health practices. Some days you’re going to eat Christmas cookies for breakfast and that’s going to be your entire self-care routine. Both of those days count as protecting your mental health. if you’re being honest about what you need instead of beating yourself up.
The holidays are stressful. They just are. Even with all the strategies in the world, you’re going to have moments of anxiety about Christmas, frustration with family dynamics, exhaustion from the constant demands, or even Christmas depression.
The goal isn’t to eliminate those feelings. The goal is to notice them without shame, respond with self-compassion, and trust that you’re building skills even on the days it doesn’t feel like it.
10. Mental Health Support in NJ: When to Get Professional Help
Okay, real talk time. Sometimes the mental health tips and holiday mental health advice and self-care strategies aren’t enough. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because you’re dealing with patterns that need more support than you can provide yourself.
Here’s what I know from supervising other therapists and working with clients for over 20 years in Scotch Plains, Westfield, and throughout Union County NJ: the people who wait the longest to get help are often the ones who need it most. They’re high-functioning, they look like they have it together, and they think asking for support means they’ve failed.
But here’s what I wish you knew: therapy isn’t for when you’re falling apart. Therapy is for when you’re tired of holding it together all the time and you want to actually heal instead of just cope.
When to Seek Mental Health Therapy in New Jersey
If you’re reading this thinking “OMG… I relate to literally everything you’ve written,” that’s your sign. If you’re googling “how to cope with holiday stress” at 2 AM for the third year in a row, that’s your sign. If you’ve tried all the mental health practices and you still feel like you’re drowning, that’s absolutely your sign.
You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis. You don’t have to prove you’re “bad enough” to deserve support. You don’t have to exhaust every possible self-help option before reaching out.
At Be Seen Therapy in Union County NJ, we specialize in working with people exactly like you: high-functioning, overwhelmed, doing all the “right” things but still struggling. We use somatic therapy approaches that work with your actual nervous system instead of just giving you more strategies to manage symptoms.
Ready to get mental health support? Visit our website to learn more about our approach and book a consultation. We have therapists available throughout Union County including Westfield, Scotch Plains, Cranford, and virtual options for anyone in New Jersey.
The Bottom Line on Protecting Your Mental Health
Listen, I’m not going to end this with some inspirational quote about how you’ve got this or how you’re stronger than you think. You know why? Because you’re probably tired of being strong. You’re probably tired of “getting through it.” You’re probably tired of performing okay when you’re not.
Maintaining your mental health isn’t about becoming invincible. It’s about building a life where you don’t have to be.
It’s about understanding your nervous system well enough to know when you need movement and when you need stillness. It’s about setting boundaries even when people are disappointed. It’s about grieving what you can’t have instead of pretending it’s fine. It’s about asking for help before you’re completely falling apart.
The holidays will end (thank G-d, right?). But the patterns that are exhausting you? Those need attention. The nervous system that’s stuck in overdrive? That needs support. The belief that you have to sacrifice your mental health to be a good person? That needs to be challenged.
You deserve more than survival mode. You deserve more than “getting through it.” You deserve actual peace in your body and your life.
And if you need help building that? That’s literally what we’re here for.
FAQ: Top 10 Tips to Maintain Your Mental Health During the Holidays and Year Round
Q: How do I maintain my mental health when family gatherings trigger my anxiety?
A: Start by understanding that your anxiety is information, not a character flaw. Before the gathering, identify your nervous system needs (do you need breaks? a planned exit strategy? someone you can text for support?). During the event, give yourself permission to step away when needed. You don’t have to stay the entire time to be a “good” family member. If gatherings consistently harm your mental health, it’s okay to attend fewer of them or set firmer boundaries around your participation. These are important mental health practices for coping with the holidays.
Q: Is it normal to feel depressed during the holidays even when everything seems fine?
A: Absolutely. Holiday depression and Christmas depression are incredibly common and don’t mean something is wrong with you. The holidays amplify everything; grief, family stress, financial pressure, comparison to others’ “perfect” celebrations, exhaustion from extra demands. Seasonal affective disorder can also contribute. If you’re feeling sad at holidays, that’s valid regardless of how “good” your life looks on paper. Your feelings don’t need to make logical sense to be real and worthy of attention. If holiday depression persists, consider reaching out for mental health support in New Jersey.
Q: What’s the difference between self-care and actually protecting my mental health?
A: Self-care tips for mental health often focus on soothing activities (bubble baths, candles, treat yourself purchases). Protecting your mental health is deeper. It’s about setting boundaries, changing unsustainable patterns, addressing nervous system dysregulation, and sometimes getting professional support. Self-care can be part of improving mental health, but it’s not the whole picture. If you’re taking bubble baths while still saying yes to everything that depletes you, the self-care won’t be enough. True mental health practices address root causes, not just symptoms.
Q: When should I consider therapy instead of just trying to manage stress on my own?
A: Consider mental health therapy in NJ when: your usual coping strategies aren’t working, you’re having physical symptoms (stomach issues, tension, sleep problems), you’re constantly irritable or overwhelmed, you’re avoiding activities you used to enjoy, your relationships are suffering, or you just feel exhausted by trying to hold it all together. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) provides helpful guidelines for recognizing when to seek professional support. You don’t need to wait for a crisis. Therapy in Union County is most effective when you come before you’re completely falling apart. If you’re experiencing anxiety about Christmas, persistent holiday depression, chronic stress or feelings of overwhelm that interferes with daily life, that’s a clear sign to reach out for professional mental health support.
Author Bio:
Robyn Krugman, LCSW, specializes in somatic therapy and mental health treatment in Union County, New Jersey. With over 20 years of experience providing therapy in Scotch Plains, Westfield, and throughout NJ, plus training in AEDP Level 2 and Complex Trauma II, she helps clients protect their mental health through nervous system regulation and sustainable practices that actually work – especially during stressful seasons like the holidays. Robyn understands that improving mental health isn’t about adding more to your to-do list; it’s about working with your body’s wisdom to build lasting change. Learn more at www.beseentherapynj.com.
Keep Going Deeper: What to Read Next
4 Things That May Happen During Therapy Sessions (And Why They’re Actually Good Signs)
Physical Signs of Low Self Esteem: When Your Body Tells the Story
How to Reduce Anxiety Immediately: What Actually Works When You’re Spiraling